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Prayer is talking to God. Most of us function from the context that we pray and God will answer in some way or another and if the answer is not immediately perceivable to us we will try to function within God’s will. There is a therapeutic value in prayer just because one is praying. Firstly, it indicates that a person has a sense of hope in God, or what in fancier words might be called transcendent Hope; that is hope that there is something for them beyond their immediate situation. Having this sense not only furthers that important sense of life-meaning because their identity is not wholly defined by death, but affords peace because an individual knows something better awaits after the experience of physical death.

Secondly, there is nearly always some sort of experiential benefit to praying. For example, studies have shown that religious practices increase levels of serotonin and endorphins which encourage a sense of well-being and reduction of pain. Other benefits include enhanced cognitive abilities to plan into the future and formulate complex logic trains. These are therapeutic effects of the act of praying, whether or not a prayer intent is answered. For a good synopsis of current research see this article: occurshttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322539.php

Thirdly, the method of prayer one uses has therapeutic benefits. There are different ways of praying are there not? Some pray extemporaneously with a soft voice others pray extemporaneously in a loud excited voice. Some pray in tongues while others pray in their native language. Some pray using already written prayer and some prefer not. Some prefer to pray corporately others quite alone. Some use beads others rocks. Some pray in a slow mediative way that harmonizes breathing to the prayer while others simply articulate words with their mind. There is imagery prayer, relaxation prayer, the use of symbols, the praying of holy words, and the utilization of sound. There are probably a whole lot more ways of praying as well.

From my twelve years working with the dying I can offer anecdotal testimony that the way of praying does indeed help. I have seen people relax and be less anxious by learning to pray the Jesus Prayer and have seen the same prayer help people with COPD to relax. I have taught the meditative use of the Lord’s Prayer and seen it transform people from a state of extreme anxiety to peace. I have seen times when the slow quiet almost breathless intonation of the Psalms of David helps those suffering Parkinson’s tremors, and have seen pain helped by the use of guided imagery. I’m sure other practitioners can tell you many other and perhaps better documented examples, but my point here is that the method of praying can does work to further comfort.

Exploring the benefits of prayer when it comes to the end of physical life is well-worth the effort. If you would like to read more about these things here please send note and I’ll be happy to expand my comments.

The quest for fulfillment is basic to our nature, but you might ask how does it manifest? I think of fulfillment as an appetite. An appetite is an inner need we need to fill. The search for fulfillment is behind much of our consuming behavior, from food and alcohol and other substances to new experiences, knowledge, enlightenment and so forth. Think about it seriously. Why do we seek to acquire or consume all this? Why are we not just content to be? It is because we have a need inside of us to be fulfilled.

Saint Augustine saw that ultimately it was the need to be fulfilled by God that was behind our primal need to search for fulfillment. His famous axiom, Thou hast made us for thyself O Lord and our hearts are restless until we rest in thee, is an important bit of theological wisdom.

As we approach the end of physical life it is important that we feel fulfilled by the life we have lived. There has to be within us something that says what we have lived is good and enough, what we have lived is meaningful and satisfying. Else-wise we suffer what is called existential distress; because we are not fulfilled by life and think we need to seek more to fill our appetite for fulfillment. Or we grow angry over the life lived and and descend to despair and sorrow. So the question facing each and every one of us as we look at death is, Where do we find fulfillment in life?

It is such a simple question but how you answer can have a great effect on whether you die in peace or not. Augustine believed that the fullest source of fulfillment for us has to be found in God. Do you believe God is the source of your fulfillment? Well and good. I commend you but would add a cautionary note; you must believe thoroughly, and by this I mean that our fulfillment from God must not be found in what God provides nor even the conditions under which you live your life but in God alone; for God alone and not what He does or gives, is unimpeachable, without conditions, and entirely free from disappointment. No conditions attached. If you believe that then well done and good.

Setting God aside for a moment, how do you get a sense of fulfillment from your life? You can of course answer that question anyway you want to, but I have a caution for you to consider. It is that we live in a culture that inculcates us with thinking that is not conducive to fulfillment. How so? It is so because we live in a society that encourages us to source fulfillment in consumption. If we just consume this next meal, this next drink, this next hit, this next experience, this next feeling, this bit of knowledge, this new way, this new fact and so forth and on and on, then we will be fulfilled. And all of it promises to be the be all and end all when it comes to inner peace and satisfaction and so forth, but none of it is because we are conditioned to be on to the new and best thing. Sad to say our culture has taught us to ever seek but has not taught us to rest in the sources of our fulfillment.

A lot of people use the so-called Bucket List. The idea is that you lay down what you really want to do in life and go about accomplishing those items. I really like this because it helps us quantify and measure what we need to be fulfilled and rescues us from drifting in a never-ending sea of potential things to do. It is good provided you do not have a hole in your bucket. A hole in the bucket is that culturally conditioned need to consume. So even if you do accomplish all of your bucket list but still feel you need to do more you have effectively wasted your efforts. What you really need to do is find a place in your worldview where enough is enough and more is not enough. You need to plug those holes, come up with a philosophy of life that makes you satisfied in what you have done and who you are and not in what you must needs do next or become. Of course the specifics are entirely up to you, but I have few ideas for you to consider.

Firstly, learn the essential truth that what you have done then is what you have done now. Your past is just as much a part of you as your present is. This is not resting on your laurels, but is to recognize that your laurels are a valid source of fulfillment. Secondly, you need to realize that your sense of being fulfilled is largely conditioned by perspective and how you perceive your life will determine whether or not you feel fulfilled. Thus, if you feel you forever need more you will never find fulfillment except the fleeting sort that comes on strongly and quickly vanishes with the times. But if you feel that what is once done is applicable to your being even years later you will be inclined to access that sense of fulfillment. Thirdly, you ought cultivate the fact that remembering is a powerful tool. Fourth, you ought cultivate simplicity.

My father had an idea of fulfillment that basically was you enjoy life and when you have to die oh well you have to die. He had a practical sense of life in which he took what happened to him and did not ask for much more; perhaps because of the Great Depression he went through in the 1930s. We rather have multiplied our needs and in doing so have complicated and made more difficult a sense of life fulfillment.

I would suggest that we can be fulfilled with what is given to us at any moment of time no matter what it is. Every moment has the possibility of absolute fulfillment. A vision of beauty in a flower affords as much fulfillment as climbing Mount Everest, a fresh breeze can quench the thirsting soul greater than the acquisition of all the wealth in the world, a sudden realization of life can fill the spirit with more light than ever imagined. Stillness is the key to true spiritual fulfillment just as noise and busyness and searching for endless new things are the destroyers of it.

I would also suggest that true fulfillment has already been given to each of us. Do we really need to do anything to be fulfilled or is that a cultural expectation ingrained in us? Yet each of us is a child of God, created in the image of God. Does it get any better than that? All else, all other standards of fulfillment are add-ons to this basic and unimpeachable worth and fulfillment that is ours simply because we are life and alive. Can you accept this? If you can then go further; for all of the reasons we are not happy and fulfilled are our own making, a result of our expectations or choices. What we essentially need, fullness of meaning and beings, has already been given to us. The task is no longer one of gaining fulfillment, nor has it ever been, but of realizing it within yourself and the experience of the world given to you.

At the end of physical life the first thing that always catches up with you is the habits you have cultivated throughout your life. I am speaking both of the small habits of daily living and also the larger habits of ways of thinking. The smaller daily habits seem fairly obvious, so not much time shall be spent here; smoking leads to disease as do other lifestyle choices and so forth. How about those larger habits of thinking? Larger because the way we have trained our mind to think and respond directly effects the quality of life we perceive that we have as well as the way we approach physical death. If you have trained your mind to only believe in the material then you will have trouble accessing the spiritual and will tend to be defined by your material circumstances. If you have trained yourself to think about yourself firstly then you will be preoccupied with self concerns and find it hard to cope with what is happening to you. If you have cultivated an abusive lifestyle than you will experience acrimony as you deal with others. If you have cultivated lack of forgiveness you will be convicted of the need to forgive but may not know how to truly do it. If you have lived a life without grace you will experience a hardness that you will wish were not so. If you have lived a life of judgement you will feel the guilt of judgement. If you have lived as a pharisee then you will experience shortcomings because of a lack of perfection. If you have lived without mercy than you will experience a blessed and wholly unlooked for mercy that will teach the meaning of itself; for God is merciful and in the end you will call upon Him.

The second thing that always catches up with us is our lack of forgiveness. You see we have all been transgressed upon and we have all transgressed although most of the time we do not perceive it. We can only forgive those who have offended us and ask for the mercy to know how we have offended others and thus readily express forgiveness. We can only beg to be forgiven our own shortcomings in extending forgiveness. You see the lack of forgiveness is like acid to our beings; it corrodes us and eats away until we are consumed. In the end we do not triumph over our adversary but actually become less than human as a result. There is almost always a bitterness of life associated with lack of forgiveness, or the false pride that sets one up for a great fall. Death is bitter for those who lack forgiveness, either given or received, and at the end there is always a fear of eternal judgement as a result, or again the false pride that leads to a fall.

The third thing that nearly always catches up with one is not cultivating the spiritual. Without an awareness of the spiritual we die alone and unassisted. With a sense of the spiritual we are enshrouded in love, mercy, and experience God gathering us unto His Light.

The fourth thing that always catches up with us is a lack of grace. Grace is not only the freely given unmerited favor from God but is also blessing and a soulish participation in the luminous grace of God. Not knowing ourselves to be un-deserving of eternity by our own merits we suffer the effects of pride and as we are diminished by sickness and then the dying process this becomes a hardship for us. Not knowing Divine favor we do not know who we really are and imagine that our struggles and hardships can destroy our worth and dignity and this leads to further suffering. Not participating in Heavenly grace we know not how to let it shine forth in our life, and how to fully function as citizens of Heaven in thought, word, and deed, but in the fullness of our being as well.

The fifth thing that always catches up with us is self-centeredness. We imagine that it is all about ourself, and imagine that our suffering is so much greater than endured, and thus create a self-indulgent suffering that is so interiorly focused that it has no outward vision to see God at work.

One of the greatest powers that the Lord God gave to mankind was the ability to name ( Genesis 2:20 ). Naming is vital because it identifies and orders. Those are key abilities to function in life and key abilities to pilgrimage thru death in a peaceful way. When something is unidentified and un-defined it is limitless in it’s ability to terrify. The most terrifying monsters are those that exert power but remain beyond our grasp to fathom. Remember those old maps with parts of the globe that had not been explored and named. Terra Incognito they called those regions, and there nearly always was a dragon illustrated in the blank space, and there was a deep sense of fear and foreboding attached. We often do the same thing in regards death and dying; we refuse to name it for what it is and often refuse to define it. Think of how little we actually use the word “death” in conversion. Think of what happens when someone does use it; a chill descends upon the conversation and thoughts cannot engage the topic but must swiftly ponder something other. Or think about how little we actually do serious thinking about death in the course of life and thus when we approach it we are approaching something entirely undefined and little fathomed in it’s nuances. Yet even though we achieve momentary comfort by these avoidance strategies we actually suffer more anxiety and terror when it actually comes to dying, and precisely because we have not named and have not thought about death.

On the other hand when something is named we draw a boundary around it and say it is this and not that and not everything but a particular thing. It becomes a known commodity and it has limits and even though it may be fearful to us nevertheless it is not a limitless undefined and chaotic fear, and so is easier to deal with. Think about it, in all those horror movies and movies about demons what is the first step to deal with it? Yes that is right, it is to name it. After that takes place things begin to look more hopeful. And by naming it we take the first step to normalizing it, and making it part of what it means to be alive, and not an extraordinary thing, and so likewise are we better able to deal with it.

Now of course naming death does not mean you have to call it by that word. What death is may be reflected by the name you give. Names such as “passed on” are popular because they imply that a person simply moves from one state of living to another, for example. Use your own name.

It is immensely distressing to experience challenges to your identity at any time, but especially so as we struggle with serious illness or face the prospect of dying. Regretfully, one of the more frequent existential challenges faced is articulated as not knowing where a person’s identity starts and a disease begins. It can very easily lead to a sense of despair and a sense of meaninglessness as well as a loss of a sense of dignity. Not only that but physical pain may be excaberated as a result. Fortunately this problem can be resolved and in such a way that not only is there healing, but strengthening of one’s sense of self.

So what is the idea that can resolve this issue? It is very simply to have a sense of yourself that is not grounded in what you can do or what happens to you. Well what is the alternative, a thoughtful person might ask. A very reasonable question. You see sometimes we are unaware of beliefs that can actually help us because our culture surrounds us with alternative beliefs that seem enticing but really fail in the long run. Most of us us have been brought up and encouraged to believe that our identity rests solely in ourselves and that we are entirely free to choose the expression of that identity. What we usually choose are those identifiers that are closest to our feelings, for example, our provision, our hard work, our opinion, our emotions, our likes and dislikes on Facebook and so forth. But what happens when something like a disease attacks us within our very self? What happens when what we feel, percieve, and so forth is usuped by the illness that besets us?

The truth of the matter is that you are a child of God. That is the grounding of your identity. Nothing that happens to you can take that away, nothing at all. That’s it. Simple yet immensely precious. To fully experience the impact of this belief you do have to let go off the false ways of defining your self identity, but if you are experiencing a sense of not knowing where your disease ends and you begin you probably want to be able to do that but are just lacking a reason. So this is the reason.

You are so very loved it is not just incredible but defies proper definition. Your parents loved you, your family loves you, many many acquaintances and friends love you, and God loves you so much He came and died for you to enjoy eternal life. None of that love was earned. It was given just because you are. Can you understand that? If you can understand that then you can understand that who you are has a deeper foundation than what you have done, what your feelings are, what your experience is. You are deeper than all that. You have an identity that simply cannot be tarnished or taken away and that identity is that you are a child of God. Period. Nothing else enters into the equation. All the rest of what you think is your identity is built upon this solid rock.

Admittedly that new way of thinking takes a bit of adjustment doesn’t it? Yet I think that you can immediately see how that new way of thinking changes things. If you know and believe to the depths of your being that you are a child of God then the fact that a disease is threatening you life is not an identity issue. A disease is something you have not something you are. Do you see the difference? And I want to add that even if you can no longer do what you once could you are still and always will be a child of God. And you know what? God always takes care of His children! In the soon future every disease will go away and our glorious holy selves will shine forth.

The word Recapitulation is one of those old time spiritual words that most everyone once understood but which nowadays nobody seems to know. If known it seems to be misunderstood so let’s start with the fact that recapitulation is not a sign of weakness! Actually Recapitulation is simply the conforming of one’s will with what is true and inevitable. When it comes to dying Recapitulation is simply to accept death and cooperate with the dying process. 

Recapitulation sounds easy but it isn’t, not for those of us living in our culture where we have been taught to overcome situations by exerting willpower. We carry this trait into the dying process and thus we struggle against what is inevitable, and that struggle is not spiritually healthy for us.

When we fight what is inevitable we set ourselves up to engage in a losing battle. At a time when we might be dealing with all sorts of other losses such as capacity, sense of self, loss of purpose, a further loss can til us over the edge and into the abyss that is hopelessness. Secondly, to persist in the belief that one can overcome the inevitable requires a lot of psycho-spiritual energy be spent maintaining a facade of denial. That is energy better spent on quality of life or on dealing with important end of life concerns such as closure, a sense of fulfillment, and gaining a sense of transcendence and peace. Thirdly, by resisting the inevitable truth you deprive yourself of the opportunity to fully and deeply prepare for what is to come. There are a lot of things you can do to prepare for death, and spiritually these are very important to your pending transformation; perhaps a confession to make, a funeral service to plan, friends and loved ones to say good bye to and enjoy rich remembrances with, prayers to be offered, a life to share, wisdom to be passed on, and much much more.

You will find that finally and fully recapitulating to death frees you of encumbrances you did not know you had, unlocks peace you might never have found, and grants a soul strength that cannot be measured. How each of us comes to this acceptance is entirely unique to each of us; some may come a rational based understanding while others may have a sort of deep non-verbal sense of things. Some may slowly grow used to the truth of it while others accept it right away and move on. That said, it is very, very common for people to experience an epiphany moment in which not only do they come to full acceptance of their mortality but know a tremendous peace that passes all understanding. This does not mean everything will be perfect. Some people do recapitulate to death and at the same time experience a deep sadness over the death of their self and that is entirely normal.

I have found that several prayers and passages from scripture really capture the spirit of recapitulation. My favorite is Psalm 31:5, “Into Thy hand O Lord I commend my spirit. Thou hast redeemed O Lord, God of truth. ”

The Lord’s Prayer says Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Often prayed but seldom attended to, these words really point out the primal importance of accepting forgiveness and giving forgiveness. In my experience as we get closer to death the importance of forgiveness looms ever more powerfully in our spiritual awareness. It is as if we are fast approaching a roaring waterfall and as we draw closer we experience first the sound of the roaring water, then the smell of water, and finally the spray of the water. Eventually one might experience the terror of going over the falls. Very many times I have seen people full of anxiety to the point of physical discomfort, and it is really about the lack of forgiveness. Very many times these are people for whom the seeking of forgiveness might be the last thing expected of. My suspicion is that this is because the closer we get to death the more it is impressed upon us about this need. 

People who are seeking to forgive or seeking to be forgiven don’t always communicate the need in unmistakable terms. Often it requires a lot of listening and “reading between the lines” to fill in the blanks, and if you are that someone seeking forgiveness or seeking to forgive you may have to fill in the blanks for yourself too! So listen, listen, listen. You may find yourself thinking over and over about certain incidents that have happened. You may find yourself  feeling a sense of regret. You may have a desire to once again talk with someone that you have not talked to in a long time. You may have a vague sense that you have something more to do. You may even feel very guilty although not know the exact reason. When these feelings arise it is best to pray about them in such a way that you give them to God directly, and remain open for clarification. Sometimes that clarification comes from talking to someone else as we all need a different perspective on ourself every so often. 

What are some barriers to doing what you have to do? I think one of the recent modern barriers is that we think negative emotions such as guilt or conviction simply need to be briskly done away without exploring why it is present to begin with. This is a sort of spiritual avoidance that is just as harmful as ignoring physical symptoms of disease. Whether guilt is a manifestation of lack of forgiveness needs to be explored and dealt with appropriately. If it is guilt for the sake of guilt then that too needs to be dealt with as this kind of shaming guilt is never healthy.

To continue, some people believe that they have committed a sin that cannot be forgiven and this becomes a barrier.  So far as I know the only unforgivable sin in the Bible is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and taken at face value that is to turn your back on God’s love for you, or resist the call of the Holy Spirit to repent. All human instances of sin as well as sustained patterns of sin are forgivable. What if a person needs forgiveness from someone who has died, perhaps that is a sin that cannot be forgiven? Not at all, talking to God is essential and will resolve this omission.

Others have a perfectionist attitude and believe that a mistake is a permanent flaw that cannot be erased. That is pretty unrealistic. We might imagine ourselves to be perfect but we are not. It helps to have a sense of proportion here. An offense simply needs to be forgiven and moved on from it ought not shatter someone’s ego. 

 Many do not believe they need to receive forgiveness because they have done nothing wrong.  That of course depends upon how you define what is “wrong”. We do live in a society wherein it is increasingly believed that what is right or wrong is defined by each individual only. The trouble is that even people who say they have done no wrong at the same time claim they have been wronged. Clearly there is a wrong somewheres! If you feel you have been done wrong chances are you have also done wrong. Think about it. pray about it. 

It helps to ask a few questions of oneself such as, Have I committed sins of omission or commission, or what have I done or  left undone. The need for forgiveness is not only about what we have done wrong but also about what we have failed to do-and boy Oh boy do we all fail on that latter score! Another question to ask of oneself is, Have I committed sins in thought, word, and deed?  This is a pretty big one. Whether we have committed wrongdoing by word or by action seems fairly obvious, but to wrong someone by thought? Eee gads that is a tough order. On the other hand to be clear in thought is the greatest gift and seeking forgiveness for transgressions of thought is a vital part of achieving that.

Those two questions cover a great deal of ground.  Think about it, pray about it, and don’t try to rationalize. Adopt the approach that what I think I might have done wrong is probably just a fraction of what I have actually done. Be sane about it though. You don’t want to obsess. But be open to the Spirit showing you what it is you need to seek forgiveness for.  Sometimes the smallest thing is what we need to be forgiven of in order to have deep peace. Once you have the insight then do what you need to do to find forgiveness; talk to God, talk to a Priest, talk to the person you have offended. 

Just as important as seeking forgiveness is extending forgiveness. It may actually be more difficult in some ways; for this aspect of forgiveness really challenges our pre-conceptions! Again the starting point here is in the idea of sin in thought, word, and deed. But there is a huge complication isn’t there? It is that we need to extend forgiveness even if we are the ones who have been wronged. Holding on to hate and un-forgiveness when one is wronged may seem justifiable but it actually works spiritual harm to us. Forgiving those who have wronged us takes a mighty heart, but it is O so very freeing. Maybe it is indeed onerously difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have long ago wronged us, but surely extending such in our heart and soul will bring us peace. 

Seeking forgiveness and extending forgiveness are not a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength; the strength to look honestly at one’s own life and go the extra mile in setting things right. Ironically as we grow weaker in body and mind it is often the case that a deep spiritual strength provides exactly what we need to make amends. 

I cannot encourage enough an earnest exploration into forgiveness. I have personally seen the powerful effects manifold. We need to not only seek forgiveness from and extend forgiveness to other people, but also from and even towards God, the church, other institutions, whoever and whatever have wronged us or we have wronged. It is really about having a heart of forgiveness, a heart that is willing to make amends and is willing to accept amends, a heart that is tender and not hardened. Such a heart is known by God. Such a heart dies well and at peace. 

Thanks for the question. Yes there are often a variety of what we call paranormal phenomenon. We already talked about premonitions and The Helpers, but sometimes other events occur such as a room may suddenly be filled with the smell of roses immediately after a person dies, a clock may stop at the precise time they died, and so forth. Sometimes there are even more dramatic events such as what happened to one women who suddenly looked out her window, asked whomever she was talking to to give her a second, and then turned to her family and told them she loved them and in the next instant died. None of these are harmful and they ought not cause alarm. 

It really is a very insightful question. Pastoral care of the dying is so very nuanced that there is no cut and dry answer. I have seen someone with no professional training work with people in such a way as to literally channel peace, well-being, and a certitude of eternal life. I have seen professionally trained Pastors and Priests do the same. I have seen the professionally trained really cause distress as have those who lack any training. At the end of the day it really does come down to who and what the dying person needs to be comforted to bring peace and further a sense of well being and with whom to resolve issues that distress.

Let me do say that there is a wealth of knowledge and access to a depth of pastoral experience that professional education affords and simply is not found outside a seminary. Having access to that knowledge base, and keeping one ear open for the Holy Spirit to whisper when and when not to use it, is of immeasurable value. Then of course the old saw is, “Listen, listen, listen,” and not a lot of people have the wherewithal to do that-especially in our crazy hyper-opinionated world!

A final note, I would urge all to refrain from prejudice one or the other. The Christian church,  at least, has a very long and esteemed history of honoring the ministries of laity and clergy. The blind clericalism so rampant is really just stupidity cloaked in wise sounding words designed to brings down those who have achieved a goodly education. On the other hand the elitism manifested amongst the educated is simply jealously because others seem more beloved and approachable. To paraphrase and old, old friend, the body has many parts and all of it are useful.

One of the most enduring and debilitating questions people face is that of, What am I here for? We confront the question throughout our life amidst the changes that happen to us as we encounter different sets of circumstances that forces us to ask the question again and again and again. As we suffer increasingly de-habilitating illness, or even undergo years of chronic illness, it is very common for people to be troubled about the reason for their continued existence. It is more than an academic question, but a troubled state that can really do a great deal of damage and can even lead to a person calling the whole of their life into question. What am I here for can easily become I am here for nothing and have always been here for nothing.

In looking to help salve this pain it is useful to call to mind the fact that most people throughout most of their life knew pretty darn well what they were here for and they did it. I call this localizing the trauma and it serves to hold up the goodness and meaning of a life already lived, and lived quite knowing what one was here fore. The fact that a person once knew what they were here for and now amidst illness no longer does, means that the whole of life was not void of purpose. That is a very important truth to hold to and reassert; for it means that the lack of life purpose applies only to the current moment of sickness and decline and not the whole of life. That awareness in turn may somewhat mitigate the spiritual damage. Still, what about the perception that life lacks purpose in the now moment?

I think it does go a long way to helping the trauma in the now moment for people to realize that not always was life without purpose. There are several other truths that are often of even greater value. The first may already have found an echo in the memory of those who have undertaken a traditional Christian catechism pertaining to the question of why we exist; To know and love God, to serve Him hear on earth and worship (or enjoy) Him forever in heaven. You can use your own version here, but the general idea is that we have a purpose and it involves God. That purpose cannot be taken away by our earthly circumstances. A person may feel they have no reason to exist but they nevertheless do, and so the question for each individual is how to come into or regain a sense of interior conformity with that truth. Not easy, but prayer and focus and scripture always assist us towards this goal.

The second truth is one that is known by everyone but not well understood. it is that of love. What am I still here for? You are here so that we can love you. Yup, um hum that is entirely right. So we can love you!

But I cannot do anything for anyone else! That the usual reply.

Yes, that is very, very hard, but does love really just mean giving to people? Doesn’t it take a giver and one who receives? And are there not many ways to receive gracefully and return with a smile and kind word? You are a vital part of the circle of love only your role is now different.

In our culture we still have an idea that we owe kindness for kindness. And usually the return has to be equal to what is given. It is the idea of not being in debt to someone else, it is a matter of pride and self-respect. Yet in fact there is no valuation for loving-kindness. A gift given received and returned with a smile and thank you is equal to any cash reciprocity. You get the idea, and it applies to all we do and all we give.

In my experience when people understand and take to heart their own purpose they can be transformed from a miserable hopeless mire into a noble and grace-filled person. I have seen well-seasoned nonagenarians transform from difficult and bitter people to pleasant and loving people. Once you understand that you do have purpose in spite of perceptions to the contrary life is suddenly full again, and death more easily pilgrimaged as a dignified human person.