Month: November 2018

It really is a very insightful question. Pastoral care of the dying is so very nuanced that there is no cut and dry answer. I have seen someone with no professional training work with people in such a way as to literally channel peace, well-being, and a certitude of eternal life. I have seen professionally trained Pastors and Priests do the same. I have seen the professionally trained really cause distress as have those who lack any training. At the end of the day it really does come down to who and what the dying person needs to be comforted to bring peace and further a sense of well being and with whom to resolve issues that distress.

Let me do say that there is a wealth of knowledge and access to a depth of pastoral experience that professional education affords and simply is not found outside a seminary. Having access to that knowledge base, and keeping one ear open for the Holy Spirit to whisper when and when not to use it, is of immeasurable value. Then of course the old saw is, “Listen, listen, listen,” and not a lot of people have the wherewithal to do that-especially in our crazy hyper-opinionated world!

A final note, I would urge all to refrain from prejudice one or the other. The Christian church,  at least, has a very long and esteemed history of honoring the ministries of laity and clergy. The blind clericalism so rampant is really just stupidity cloaked in wise sounding words designed to brings down those who have achieved a goodly education. On the other hand the elitism manifested amongst the educated is simply jealously because others seem more beloved and approachable. To paraphrase and old, old friend, the body has many parts and all of it are useful.

One of the most enduring and debilitating questions people face is that of, What am I here for? We confront the question throughout our life amidst the changes that happen to us as we encounter different sets of circumstances that forces us to ask the question again and again and again. As we suffer increasingly de-habilitating illness, or even undergo years of chronic illness, it is very common for people to be troubled about the reason for their continued existence. It is more than an academic question, but a troubled state that can really do a great deal of damage and can even lead to a person calling the whole of their life into question. What am I here for can easily become I am here for nothing and have always been here for nothing.

In looking to help salve this pain it is useful to call to mind the fact that most people throughout most of their life knew pretty darn well what they were here for and they did it. I call this localizing the trauma and it serves to hold up the goodness and meaning of a life already lived, and lived quite knowing what one was here fore. The fact that a person once knew what they were here for and now amidst illness no longer does, means that the whole of life was not void of purpose. That is a very important truth to hold to and reassert; for it means that the lack of life purpose applies only to the current moment of sickness and decline and not the whole of life. That awareness in turn may somewhat mitigate the spiritual damage. Still, what about the perception that life lacks purpose in the now moment?

I think it does go a long way to helping the trauma in the now moment for people to realize that not always was life without purpose. There are several other truths that are often of even greater value. The first may already have found an echo in the memory of those who have undertaken a traditional Christian catechism pertaining to the question of why we exist; To know and love God, to serve Him hear on earth and worship (or enjoy) Him forever in heaven. You can use your own version here, but the general idea is that we have a purpose and it involves God. That purpose cannot be taken away by our earthly circumstances. A person may feel they have no reason to exist but they nevertheless do, and so the question for each individual is how to come into or regain a sense of interior conformity with that truth. Not easy, but prayer and focus and scripture always assist us towards this goal.

The second truth is one that is known by everyone but not well understood. it is that of love. What am I still here for? You are here so that we can love you. Yup, um hum that is entirely right. So we can love you!

But I cannot do anything for anyone else! That the usual reply.

Yes, that is very, very hard, but does love really just mean giving to people? Doesn’t it take a giver and one who receives? And are there not many ways to receive gracefully and return with a smile and kind word? You are a vital part of the circle of love only your role is now different.

In our culture we still have an idea that we owe kindness for kindness. And usually the return has to be equal to what is given. It is the idea of not being in debt to someone else, it is a matter of pride and self-respect. Yet in fact there is no valuation for loving-kindness. A gift given received and returned with a smile and thank you is equal to any cash reciprocity. You get the idea, and it applies to all we do and all we give.

In my experience when people understand and take to heart their own purpose they can be transformed from a miserable hopeless mire into a noble and grace-filled person. I have seen well-seasoned nonagenarians transform from difficult and bitter people to pleasant and loving people. Once you understand that you do have purpose in spite of perceptions to the contrary life is suddenly full again, and death more easily pilgrimaged as a dignified human person.