The Lord’s Prayer says Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Often prayed but seldom attended to, these words really point out the primal importance of accepting forgiveness and giving forgiveness. In my experience as we get closer to death the importance of forgiveness looms ever more powerfully in our spiritual awareness. It is as if we are fast approaching a roaring waterfall and as we draw closer we experience first the sound of the roaring water, then the smell of water, and finally the spray of the water. Eventually one might experience the terror of going over the falls. Very many times I have seen people full of anxiety to the point of physical discomfort, and it is really about the lack of forgiveness. Very many times these are people for whom the seeking of forgiveness might be the last thing expected of. My suspicion is that this is because the closer we get to death the more it is impressed upon us about this need.
People who are seeking to forgive or seeking to be forgiven don’t always communicate the need in unmistakable terms. Often it requires a lot of listening and “reading between the lines” to fill in the blanks, and if you are that someone seeking forgiveness or seeking to forgive you may have to fill in the blanks for yourself too! So listen, listen, listen. You may find yourself thinking over and over about certain incidents that have happened. You may find yourself feeling a sense of regret. You may have a desire to once again talk with someone that you have not talked to in a long time. You may have a vague sense that you have something more to do. You may even feel very guilty although not know the exact reason. When these feelings arise it is best to pray about them in such a way that you give them to God directly, and remain open for clarification. Sometimes that clarification comes from talking to someone else as we all need a different perspective on ourself every so often.
What are some barriers to doing what you have to do? I think one of the recent modern barriers is that we think negative emotions such as guilt or conviction simply need to be briskly done away without exploring why it is present to begin with. This is a sort of spiritual avoidance that is just as harmful as ignoring physical symptoms of disease. Whether guilt is a manifestation of lack of forgiveness needs to be explored and dealt with appropriately. If it is guilt for the sake of guilt then that too needs to be dealt with as this kind of shaming guilt is never healthy.
To continue, some people believe that they have committed a sin that cannot be forgiven and this becomes a barrier. So far as I know the only unforgivable sin in the Bible is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and taken at face value that is to turn your back on God’s love for you, or resist the call of the Holy Spirit to repent. All human instances of sin as well as sustained patterns of sin are forgivable. What if a person needs forgiveness from someone who has died, perhaps that is a sin that cannot be forgiven? Not at all, talking to God is essential and will resolve this omission.
Others have a perfectionist attitude and believe that a mistake is a permanent flaw that cannot be erased. That is pretty unrealistic. We might imagine ourselves to be perfect but we are not. It helps to have a sense of proportion here. An offense simply needs to be forgiven and moved on from it ought not shatter someone’s ego.
Many do not believe they need to receive forgiveness because they have done nothing wrong. That of course depends upon how you define what is “wrong”. We do live in a society wherein it is increasingly believed that what is right or wrong is defined by each individual only. The trouble is that even people who say they have done no wrong at the same time claim they have been wronged. Clearly there is a wrong somewheres! If you feel you have been done wrong chances are you have also done wrong. Think about it. pray about it.
It helps to ask a few questions of oneself such as, Have I committed sins of omission or commission, or what have I done or left undone. The need for forgiveness is not only about what we have done wrong but also about what we have failed to do-and boy Oh boy do we all fail on that latter score! Another question to ask of oneself is, Have I committed sins in thought, word, and deed? This is a pretty big one. Whether we have committed wrongdoing by word or by action seems fairly obvious, but to wrong someone by thought? Eee gads that is a tough order. On the other hand to be clear in thought is the greatest gift and seeking forgiveness for transgressions of thought is a vital part of achieving that.
Those two questions cover a great deal of ground. Think about it, pray about it, and don’t try to rationalize. Adopt the approach that what I think I might have done wrong is probably just a fraction of what I have actually done. Be sane about it though. You don’t want to obsess. But be open to the Spirit showing you what it is you need to seek forgiveness for. Sometimes the smallest thing is what we need to be forgiven of in order to have deep peace. Once you have the insight then do what you need to do to find forgiveness; talk to God, talk to a Priest, talk to the person you have offended.
Just as important as seeking forgiveness is extending forgiveness. It may actually be more difficult in some ways; for this aspect of forgiveness really challenges our pre-conceptions! Again the starting point here is in the idea of sin in thought, word, and deed. But there is a huge complication isn’t there? It is that we need to extend forgiveness even if we are the ones who have been wronged. Holding on to hate and un-forgiveness when one is wronged may seem justifiable but it actually works spiritual harm to us. Forgiving those who have wronged us takes a mighty heart, but it is O so very freeing. Maybe it is indeed onerously difficult to extend forgiveness to those who have long ago wronged us, but surely extending such in our heart and soul will bring us peace.
Seeking forgiveness and extending forgiveness are not a sign of weakness. It is actually a sign of strength; the strength to look honestly at one’s own life and go the extra mile in setting things right. Ironically as we grow weaker in body and mind it is often the case that a deep spiritual strength provides exactly what we need to make amends.
I cannot encourage enough an earnest exploration into forgiveness. I have personally seen the powerful effects manifold. We need to not only seek forgiveness from and extend forgiveness to other people, but also from and even towards God, the church, other institutions, whoever and whatever have wronged us or we have wronged. It is really about having a heart of forgiveness, a heart that is willing to make amends and is willing to accept amends, a heart that is tender and not hardened. Such a heart is known by God. Such a heart dies well and at peace.
